Issei Hyoudou's nasty misadventure
by Rukia's Bunnies
Summary: Dude...i...I can't even...j...j...just...just read it.
1. Chapter 1

Issei was sceptical at first; after all, he was into girls with huge fun bags. This Little girl was of age but defiantly lacking in the tits department. Issei was perplexed as to how she had even coaxed him into a love hotel at all. She was very polite, which he hated because it gave her a creepy, jailbait sort of vibe. But the primary concern for Issei was that this was the kind of place where normally some seriously dirty shit would go down and Issei couldn't see himself tit-fucking this plank of wood that was holding his hand, like a kid who had lost their mother.

"Alright, what did you wanna show me" Issei said wearily, rolling his eyes as if he didn't already know the answer.

"Umm…well…" the kid directed her gaze to the ground and her hands were cupped on her chest, she seemed very nervous.

"I said what do you want" Issei repeated, a bit more insistently. This was such bullshit, he could be flirting with any number of super human hotties right now and where was he? He was stuck in a poorly lit fuck motel room with the world's most pathetic excuse for a Lolita.

'Come oooooon kid, my haram isn't going to build itself' Issei thought impatiently.

"S-sorry" the kid muttered softly, not meeting Issei's eye. "I just wanted to ask you to…" She trailed off into silence as the blush playing around her face began to spread and started to turn from pink, to bright red.

"Look kid, Im a very busy man" Issei said importantly, "The dragon emperor doesn't like to have his time wasted. So spit it out!"

The girl finally looked Issei in the face and said, in a very soft voice "I'd like to…do it with you…please".

There it was, the request had been sent, and in such a cute voice that even Issei, who was about as empathetic as a sack of onions felt a little bad for raising his voice.

"Sorry for being so forward" the kid said, talking very fast now. "I saw you walking with those beautiful women and I got jealous and then I saw that red haired girl kiss you on the cheek and then I felt really weird down-" she stopped talking and glanced down at her hands, which were now bunched over her crotch. Her face fell and became redder than ever.

Issei rolled his eyes again and decided he wasn't going to leave without at least getting off a little for his trouble. True he didn't find this chick attractive-like at all, but if he closed his eyes and pretended it was Rias, it wouldn't take long.

"Ok" Issei said, startling the kid who now stared at him in disbelief. "Take your pants off and I'll uh…get you ready".

There were tears in the kids eyes, "Thank you, thank you so much, I was worried when I saw you with those women, that you might not be into…you know".

"I'm not that into people on your… level to be honest" Issei said teasingly, "But I have a little philosophy that you should never leave a place like this, still a virgin".

Issei moved behind the girl and began to grope her chest. She moaned and began to breathe heavily.

"Hey" he whispered in her ear, while still feeling the nothing that was her chest. "You are old enough to be doing this, Right?"

The girl giggled slightly at this. "Yeah, just about" she gasped back, moving her behind up and down on Issei's crotch.

"That's a relief" he thought to himself, as the two engaged in foreplay. "At least there's no risk of me being tagged as a paedophile for doing this girl a favour."

Despite its small size, this girls butt was really soft and was grinding pretty fast. Issei may have even gotten an erection if he wasn't clamming up inside at the abhorrent flatness of her chest.

'This isn't right' he thought to himself as he impotently grasped for the sweet softness that was boobage. 'Chicks shouldn't be like this, it's just not fair '. His mind shot back to Rias and Akino's tons of fun and how they seemed to melt you away as you lay between them. How you would never need a pillow or a blanket when you had those glorious melons. How if you weren't careful, you could suffocate on pure, unadulterated heaven (Issei's ideal way to pass to the next world).

He began to feel deep sympathy for this girl. With a body like hers, she was never going to turn on any guy except maybe some old pervert who was into little girls. Issei decided to do her all the way as this may be the only time in her flat miserable life that she'd get to know the love of a man. He would rock her world and then go take a shower to scrub himself of the mental agony he had suffered at seeing a woman who was doomed to such a miserable, 2D existence.

The thought of Rias' mighty morphing flower chambers had caused Issei to become slightly aroused at being grinded on- **slightly.** Considering that he'd get properly hard once he was being crushed by her pussy, he flipped her over onto the bed. Issei sensually kissed the area just above her crotch as he slowly pulled her pants off. She struggled slightly at the abruptness of the advance but soon allowed her lust to guide her. Issei looked at the girl's underwear…

…

…

…

…

…oh…fuck…no…


	2. Chapter 2

Issei stared in horrified awe at the kid's crotch, reality crushing any semblance of sexual drive from his system. The kid's underwear was white and frilly, the kind a girl would have. But where the flatness that infested the chest area would have been accepted in Issei's opinion, would it have been where Issei's unblinking gaze now lied. The crotch of the kid's underwear was tight and drawn up, closing around an unmistakable anomaly. The chick had a dick!

Issei could not bring himself to speak at this realisation; he just kept staring at it.

"Ummm…is something wrong"? Came a cute, innocent, oh so feminine voice from the owner of the unwelcome appliance. "Are you ok"?

'Ok?' Issei thought 'OK?!'

"Um…y-yeah, I got that you were a…yeah"

Issei's mind was still reeling from the kid's own personal liar revealed story contained in her pants, when another thought popped into his head. He realised that this chick couldn't help being a Futa, what mattered was that she was lonely and needed to know the love of a man, even if only once. Issei decided to nobly proceed as planned; only now it seemed that the mental image of Rias and Akeno making out would need to be a little less blurry.

"We can stop if it bothers you" whispered the kid, in her cutest voice ever, made only cuter by the tang of disappointment. "I'll understand".

Issei gritted his teeth and began to grope the kid's underwear. It was silky and smooth, like any chicks panties would be. And then, as if on que, the kid's penis began to rise.

'Oh great, she's getting an erection' Issei thought bitterly, annoyed at the inevitability. 'How grimly predictable.'

As Issei groped the kid's rod, she began to twist and shift on the bed, making more noise than you'd expect at this stage. Issei decided this was okay, the more she enjoyed it, the less chance she would see his face and know that the feeling wasn't mutual. Issei screwed up his face as he teased the kid's dick. He tried to picture Rias' coconuts in his mind, but whenever he was about to be graced with a glorious mental image of her disrobed figure, the kid would let out a moan or tap the side of his head with her thigh and reminded Issei that he wasn't touching Rias.

'Let's just get this over with, I can't go on' Issei decided in his mind to fuck this girl as quickly as possible.

With a small smile at getting back to what was normal for him, Issei began to move his fingers down from where the uninvited guest roamed and down to where this chicks pussy was. More enthusiastic at getting to touch girly parts again, he ran his fingers over the soft part of the underwear between the girls legs, trying to find the hole to tease…any moment now…

Issei was confused at the time it was taking to find this girls vagina. He moved his fingers more forcefully now, desperately scrabbling for a hole. Then he paused. The kid had stopped moving and had also stopped moaning, she was looking down at Issei with an expression of dawning confusion.

"What are you doing?" she asked, sounding slightly hurt. "Don't stop, I was almost there."

Issei had had enough. He raised the girl's legs up and began to slide off her underwear; this seemed to rekindle her excitement. Though under the guise of a sexual advance, Issei was merely anxious to find the stupid clit and finally end this. However, when her underwear was removed and her legs were spread open, Issei's jaw and penis both collectively dropped.

The area between the crotch and the butthole, that smooth sensual valley where the iron gates of life should have reviled itself to him, was merely barren nothingness. Issei started at the empty space like he had gotten a desert instead of the Garden of Eden. A horrible look of dawning comprehension was forming on his face.

"I didn't think you were into doing it there" the girl said, giggling lewdly.

Issei let go of the kid's legs and stood up, his eyes were dark and he looked very serious.

"Listen…err…sorry what was your name?" Issei inquired.

"Pico".

"Right of course Pico" Issei said quickly, determined to get answers. "Sorry, I'm just not quite sure…you know…where it REALLY is".

Pico looked at him with a puzzled expression on her face. "Where what is, darling?"

Out of anxiety, Issei picked up a condom from the night stand, and began to twirl it in his fingers.

"It's just, I've never done it with a futa before" Issei explained. "So I'm not really sure where your vajayjay is".

Pico now sat up on the bed, looking quite uncomprehending.

"But Im not a futa" Pico said gingerly. "I'm a boy."

Issei was out the door and screaming down the hall, fully dressed before the condom even hit the floor.


	3. Chapter 3 : Repressed Mammeries

Issei smiled happily as he turned on his favourite radio station, it was playing his favourite song as he drove down his favourite street from his perfect job to his perfect home.

Pulling into his beautifully well-kept lawn, Issei slid his key into the front door with ease and walked briskly into his home. The smell of cooking immediately flooded his nostrils and he knew that Rias was making his dinner. He knew this because he could see her facing away from him, red hair down to her behind and clad in an apron and nothing else.

Issei smiled at the thought of seeing her perfect breasts after such a good day at the office. Sneaking up behind her, Issei threw his hands forward and grabbed for her chest…

He felt …he felt nothing.

Issei didn't understand, he felt all around for Rias's bust but nothing was there! He backed away, horror struck.

"You…you're one of them…they got to you too"

Rias slowly began to turn. A low snicker was emanating from her face. Issei gasped in horror as the face that met his was not the beautiful face of his beloved wife…but the slick, confident smirk of Riser Phenex. He laughed manically as he ripped the red wig of his head, revealing his fez. Issei tried to back away, but Riser had ripped off the apron at that point and the place where there should have been boobs was but an empty space. Not a hint of flesh anywhere. The sight stunned Issei into paralysis.

"IIIIIIIIIIsseeeeeei" sang Riser, with the voice of hundreds of children. Issei stared as the voice changed as Riser launched into the air. Now the voice sounded deep and booming, like a drill sergeant "IM COMING FOR YA MOTHER-FUCKER"!-

Issei woke with a start, clutching his chest. He was lying with a cold sweat in his bed, safe and sound.

"Issei, are you ok dear" whispered the voice of his mother.

"Yeah Im fine mom"

"Alright, ready to go again hon"?

"Right you are" piped up his father who was on his other side

Issei felt Rias wrinkled hands touch his shoulders and saw his mother and father naked in bed with him.

"AAGH"!-

Issei woke with a start, clutching his chest. He was lying with a cold sweat in his bed, safe and sound.

"Issei; my love, are you ok"? Asked the voice of Akeno.

"Yeah, just a nightmare"

"Hehe…the nightmare's just begun silly "Akeno laughed as she pulled out the barb wire strap on.

"NOOOOOOOO"!-

Issei woke with a start, clutching his chest. He was lying with a cold sweat in his bed, safe and sound.

He instinctively looked to his side to see who was lying next to him; he saw a mess of red hair.

"Phew, finally back to normal."

"I'll say" said Sirzechs, naked and muscular at Issei's side, running a finger over his exposed nipple.

"WHAT THE FU"!-

Issei woke with a start, clutching his chest. He was lying with a cold sweat in his bed, safe and sound.

"Issei…love…what's wrong, nightmare"? Asked the silky, kind voice of Rias Gremory.

"Yeah" murmured Issei, he was so happy to be back in reality.

"Here, let me help you get back to sleep."

Rias drew Issei's face towards her breasts, supposedly to use them to relax him back into a sleep like state. Issei happily accepted this, he closed his eyes as Rias lifted her shirt and pushed his head into the two squishy, soft, warm, lumpy, hard things that were moving and making breathing noises.

"Here's lookin' at you kid" Said two Riser Phenex's in unison.

"Oh MY GO"!-

Issei woke with a start, clutching his chest. He was lying with a cold sweat in his bed, safe and sound.

This time his entire haram was sleeping around him, not one of them waking up. Rias's head was touching him but she also was lacking consciousness.

Issei had had enough, he got out of bed and walked to the door, intending to go to the bathroom and splash his face. His face contorted with anger as the door struck his face and Nyaruko barged in.

"ISSEI-KUUUUUUUUUUUN"!-

Issei woke with a start, clutching his chest. He was lying with a cold sweat in his bed, safe and sound.

He opted not to open his eyes to the next person who asked him if he was ok. He merely murmured that he was and allowed whoever it was to welcome him into an embrace.

'Mmmmm…the smooth skin, the confident grip, yeah this was Rias' Issei thought. He hugged her tighter and felt himself drifting off to sleep again.

"Im glad you're alright" she said.

"Im glad too Rias."

"I already told you, my name is Pico."

Issei's eyes snapped open.


End file.
